Without a doubt, relationships are one of – if not the – biggest source of stress and confusion in our lives. Whether that’s a romantic relationship, relationship with parents, colleagues, employees or what have you…
Nothing can irritate us or put us on edge more than other people. And nothing is worse than being caught in a relationship with someone who irritates us or makes us often just feel bad. AKA, a toxic relationship.
Spotting toxic relationships too late, or worse, continuing to fall for toxic people over and over again is awful… Being caught in the same story again and again, just with different people. That is a heart breaking prison sentence that I doubt you want to be in.
So, the goal here is to help you spot toxic (red flag) behaviour from a partner/person in your life EARLY, so you can ‘get out a dodge’ before feeling trapped. Then how to steer clear of toxic people for GOOD! Let’s get into it…
Renowned relationship expert and researcher Rory Kilmartin states, “There is no greater evil than subjecting the person you love to decades of your dysfunction.”
I’m going to reference Rory’s work as he is rapidly becoming the best relationship and human behaviour expert currently studying. Through his 36 years of dedicated research, Rory has discovered something that is so interesting, and so magnificent about what drives people’s behaviour, it’s leaving his students shocked at how much it explains EVERYONE in their life. It helps you see predictable qualities in people damn near instantly. He even broke it down into a very digestible framework that I’ll use a bit to explain this.
Okay! Let’s go!
WHAT CAUSES PEOPLE TO BE TOXIC?
First, we have to gain insight into how us individuals ACTUALLY function… This is diving into Rory’s work. Think of each person as characters in a grand movie, each falling into 1 of 4 unique roles. These four main roles are… a Warrior, a Lover, a Magician, and a Sovereign. Everyone is their own version of one of those 4.
All 4 have their traits, strengths, weaknesses, interests, qualities and special contributions…their unique way of helping the whole. And each and every one of us fall into 1 of those 4. However, these 4 characters don’t always understand each other…
So sometimes, we can get “unbalanced” (think of getting overwhelmed and emotionally acting out in some type of way). This imbalance can happen for a variety of reasons like stress, past experiences, miscommunications or not understanding our true nature as 1 of the 4 roles. When this happens, a person may become more emotionally charged and not play fair or not be much fun anymore – they become ‘toxic’.
This is primarily the result of an individual replaying past traumatic events in their life. Then, having a positive confirmation (getting away with it) to how they act, which reinforces the imbalanced behaviour. This is what leads to toxic behaviour within us individuals.
WHAT ARE THE DIFFERENT TOXIC BEHAVIOURS?
- And why is this important? Well, to both spot and put an end to toxic behaviour, you need to know that you’re looking for a few different things.
They can come in all sorts of disguises, but first, let’s look at a few toxic relationship signs we all may be familiar with…
- Criticism. If someone keeps telling you how to play your game and that you’re doing it all wrong or is unimpressed with how you chose to dress… That won’t get better. Either open up a conversation with them and set a boundary, or give them the boot. Yes, the boot. Do you really think you’re going to like that criticism in 5 years? In 10 years?
- Too Much Control. A person who keeps deciding/telling you your moves in your game. And wanting to know where you’re at and what you’re doing all the time.
- You Feeling Tired.
- Walking on Eggshells. If you’re always worried about making your partner angry, sad, jealous or whatever, then that’s another sign that something’s wrong.
Remember, these signs are just some common clues. Just like in a game, you have to stay aware and pay attention. Take a step back to check in with yourself and your situation to see if any of these are present.
HOW DO I KNOW IF I'M IN A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP?
So, how do you know if you’re caught in a game with these over-the-top emotionally charged characters? Here are some toxic relationship signs…
Constant Battles. AKA – Combative behaviour. If the relationship feels more like a battlefield than a fun walk on the beach, take note. Especially early on, there shouldn’t be much triggering friction…
Draining Interactions. If time spent together leaves you tired and upset, that’s a clear sign. Really, if it leaves you anything but happy or at least neutral, take note. Some people just seem to suck your energy away like a vampire… Don’t allow yourself to be emotionally drained in a relationship…
Lack of Freedom. If you feel you always have to play by their rules, it’s time to pause and reassess.
Remember, these are just some signs (red flags) to look out for. Don’t overlook them! If you sense any of these, open a calm and balanced conversation about how it makes you feel. The BIGGEST PROBLEM with toxic people is others DON’T ESTABLISH boundaries with them. Always stay aware, take note, bring it up calmly and express that you chose not to accept that behaviour.
HOW CAN I SPOT TOXIC RELATIONSHIP SIGNS EARLY?
The secret to early detection? Understanding these characters or ‘archetypes’ we mentioned earlier. Just like knowing a tricky level helps you play a video game better, understanding the behaviours of the archetypes will help you predict how people may act. It will also help you to speak ‘their specific character language’. Helping you to dodge toxicity FOR GOOD.
But wait, how do you know which archetype the other person is and how balanced they are so we can dodge these signs and keep our game of life fun and full of non toxic people? Well…
THE GAME-CHANGER...
The secret lies in understanding these characters, these archetypes. Understanding these will help you predict how someone might behave, and that’s our power-up to avoid those not-so-fun, toxic patterns.
You might think, “But there are so many people, how can I understand them all?” Well, as I said, there are just four main archetypes that everyone will fall into. Sounds simpler now, right?
Now, here’s the really cool part… I want you to avoid toxic people in your life for good.
To understand exactly why people act the way they do. To understand exactly why you’re attracted to the people you’re attracted to. To quickly be able to identify other people’s archetype, so you can expect how they are going to act in the future.
To be able to speak their language so you can easily voice your concerns or avoid triggering their emotional behaviour completely.
And that’s by watching Rory’s hour long free masterclass. You can join below.
Rory has spent 36 years understanding and developing these archetypes. He’s helping thousands of people navigate their relationships with grace and ease.
Leading to a SEVERE drop in stress, conflicts and breakdowns. His students are rekindling relationships with their loved ones.
Fixing marriages, reuniting with their parents or children. And it’s all because they now understand the archetypal natures. They know how to navigate other people.
Imagine levelling up your understanding so much that no obstacle or toxic person can throw you off anymore. Pretty awesome, right?
Rory has created this exciting and engaging masterclass to share his secrets. It’s like getting the cheat codes to truly understanding people and avoiding toxic relationships for good. You’re not going to want to miss it!
Hope this has helped, my friend!
